28 years ago my Mom and dad became parents. I don’t know how this happened (ok, well I do…..but you get the point). I’ve wondered many things about this day, especially over the last 6 months as we are preparing for our little one to come into the world. I never took the chance to ask her. Did your water break? We’re you scared? Did you use drugs (or did they even have any back then). When did you first feel the baby kick? Did you know I was a girl and how scary was labor? You see, I’m not the kind of person that ever brought up pregnancy with my Mom. I ALWAYS knew that I would be one someday, but I’ve never been sentimental about it. I never thought to ask her about how long they tried to conceive or how she told my dad they were expecting. We’re they excited or scared and how did her 9 months go!? Was it fun or did she have complications? We just never talked about it (and perhaps it was the fact that I was only 23, not thinking about kids and in denial of her death during her battle with cancer, but that’s a whole different story for another day).
Ive heard things from my aunties and I kinda sorta remember stories that maybe her or my Dad mentioned while I was growing up. Something about how she only pushed for a mere 16 minutes and my Dad only had a chance to pour a cup of coffee before then the nurse came out to explain that he was a Daddy to a little girl.
I just can’t stop my mind from wondering these things. Am I “carrying” the baby like she did? Will my labor be the same or will I have similar parenting styles? I can’t tell you how many times during this pregnancy I’ve wanted to call mom and ask her why I crave ice cream almost every night, is it “normal” that my ankles are gigantic and why does my butt feel like its grown just as big as my belly? Or how did you deal with your roller coaster emotions and did Dad handle you as well as Aaron is dealing with crazy old me sometimes!? It’s these things that, on this specific day, seem to matter far more to me than any other thing…and as we wait a mere 13 weeks until this baby comes I’m trying to wrap my mind around how similar or different we probably were/are during this time.
Through all the questions, wonders and worries, ultimately though, I look in the mirror, take a deep breath and know that it will all be ok. After all, I hear it all the time…we talk the same, write the same, probably eat the same and defiantly look the same! So, after all…..all it takes is a good look in the mirror to know that I am my mothers daughter! I looked up to her for so many reasons, from the way she parented to the fact that she was able to balance a family, her job and her creativity together. I know I can do it because she labored and came out with a healthy baby. I know I can do it because she was able to raise a confident, strong and creatively driven girl. And I know I can do it simply because she did. I wish like hell that when the time comes and we are rushing to the hospital that I could make that phone call to Mom and Dad and exclaim that “it’s time, it’s time” (here come the tears)….but I also know that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without having endured what I have. Perseverance and strength follow me everywhere; despite the “fairness” in life there is joy and happiness and so much hope in every new day….and I can only imagine how much stronger I will believe that when we hold our baby for the first time. And because of who my Mom was to me, I know that “the” day will come and go and we will end up with a beautiful, amazing little baby that we are so excited to share with the world! :)
So happy birth day Mom. And happy birthday to me.
Oh–and it only seemed appropriate that last night I (finally) finished the sweater that I’ve been working on for our baby. It won’t fit for at least a year, but I’m still quite proud of it. For those who want to know, it’s the Duffle Coat pattern from Debbie bliss made out of Rowan true life organic cotton. I pretty much love it and can’t wait to see our little one waddling around with it on! :)